


Not what he thought

by snipermathlove29



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snipermathlove29/pseuds/snipermathlove29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through a hard truth Charlie walks away. Ian finds the more the Professor push's him away, the more he wants to be closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Charlie tried not to let the tears fall as he drove toward his house. It would do him no good to get into an accident. He can't believe he was so stupid. How could he have believed that maybe what they had was more than just sex. He wiped violently at his eyes, hoping to prolong them just a bit longer. It was his own fault. Don warned him that Ian Edgerton was not one to settle and yet, he still started to fall for the attractive sniper.

Cursing himself again for his stupidity he pulled up to his house and turned the car off. He took a minute to sit there, take a few calming breaths, then got out and made his way to the garage. He knew sleep would evade him tonight so he might as well get some work done.

As he was writing out the next part of his equation on the board, don walked in. Charlie glanced at the clock. "Your out late." he said, hoping his brother didn't hear the thickness of his voice due to crying. Of course, Don saw right through him. Making his way around the board, he took in Charlie.

"What happened?" Don said, sounding anxious as to what had caused his brother to look and sound so broken. Charlie debated on Ignoring him but he knew his brother. Don would keep on him until he found out what he wanted to know. Slowly he set the chalk down and turn toward don. As soon as he saw him more tears made their way into his eyes and down his cheeks. Startled, Don pulled him into his arms and guided him toward the old couch that they kept there. 

"Charlie, come on man. What's wrong?" Don was getting more concerned as more tears fell. If someone had hurt him blood will fall. 

Charlie took a deep breath. "I'm ok Don. It's my fault." Don was about to speak when Charlie continued. "I thought...well, it's not like we were together. You know....Officially." The last word came out as a whisper and Don's blood boiled. This was the type of heart break he tried to spare Charlie from. And as part of him wants to say 'I told you so' the protective big brother in him wants to see Ian Edgerton' face at the end of his fist. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He didn't know if he wanted all the gory details but he would listen if that's what Charlie needed. 

"No, It's fine Don. I'll be fine. He honestly didn't even know I was back yet." Charlie had been out of town at a mathematics convention and wasn't due back until the next day. He had planned to surprise Ian with his early arrival. Guess the surprise was on him. He tried not to close his eyes. When he did he could still hear the grunts and moans and tell tale sounds of flesh meeting flesh. 

"That's no excuse Charlie." But deep down he knew that was the kind of man Ian always was. Love them and leave them. 

Charlie smiled as best he could at his brother before getting up. "I'll be ok Don. It was my mistake. It's not I meant to fall for the man." Oh shit. He hadn't meant for that last part to slip out. He looked at his brother but thankfully Don chose not to say anything. 

"Ok chuck. If your sure. Just know I'm always here if you need me." Shit. Charlie was in this deeper than he thought. He was seeing red but he kept his facial features calm for his brother.

Charlie smiled a real smile for his brother. "I've always known that Don." 

Don smiled, nodded his head and made his way back to the house, probably to raid the fridge. Charlie turned back to his board but found himself unable to finish. Turning off the lights to the garage he made his way back to the house to maybe catch a game with his brother. 

*NUMB3RS*

Ian walked out of the elevator fully relaxed and content. As far as he knew he didn't have another job lined up so he could take advantage of it and relax. If the mood to work struck, he could always lend a hand with Don's team. He wandered if Charlie had made it back yet and if he was here with his brother. Turning to look toward Don' cubicle he saw the team there, minus one curly haired genius. 

Struck at the odd feeling of disappoint he felt at that he pushed it away as he made his way to the team. He didn't disrupt Don as he spoke of a kidnapping that was currently outside of their jurisdiction but thought to be making it to their neighborhood. As the team broke away, he couldn't miss the look of steel Don sent his way. Don turned his head sharply back toward the stairwell, indicating that Ian should follow. Slightly uneasy as to what had gotten the team leader so upset he quickly followed. Don went through the door first. Ian turned to close the door. He did not expect the fist that slammed into the side of his jaw, knocking his head violently to the side. Turning back, he was about to retaliate when he was shoved back against the wall, Don's arm holding him in place by the throat. 

"What the fuck Eppes!" he gasped out, Don tightened his hold. 

"The next time, IF there is a next time, you start anything with my brother you had better make it crystal FUCKING clear what your intentions are with him!" Don roared at the sniper, not easing up his grip. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ian was perplexed. What the hell had happened to Charlie that had made Don blow up on him like this. Ian's stomach dropped to his feet before Don spoke the next words. 

"Charlie got home early and went to your room last night asshole!"

Ian stood there shock still. Fuck! 

"Yeah, Hope your night was good. Because Charlies sure as hell wasn't". Don let go of the other agent, standing back and breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. 

Ian took a few himself. God, he couldn't believe this was happening. "Don, I never...." How did he say this without another slug to his face. " I never meant to lead him on." 

Don took another breath as he look Ian dead in the eye. "Yeah? Did you tell him he would be just another fuck? Someone to keep your bed warm when you were in town? Did you SPECIFY IT IAN!" Don yelled the last part. No, he might not have told Charlie. But he sure as hell led him on. 

Ian continued to stand there. No, he hadn't said anything like that to Charlie. He just assumed he would know. He felt like shit for hurting the Professor. Yes, his thing with Charlie had started out as just another fling. But as time went on, his time with the curly haired genius had become more. The past few times they had actually gone out to dinner and a movie. Last night had been a lapse of judgment. He had just gotten off a difficult case that he knew would leave him scarred. He had just wanted someone to help prolong the nightmares. He was startled to realize that beside last night, Charlie had been the only person he had slept with for over 4 months. 

He turned to look back at Don, noting the fire in his eyes. Turning away from the other agent he placed his hands against the railing of the stairs. He heard don come up behind him. "I don't know where you go now with Charlie. That's up to him. But I do know, if you hurt him again. If I have to be there to hold him while he cries again, " Ian felt a pull in his chest " I will. Then when know he is alright, I will come for you." Don stepped closer to Ian. "And you will bleed for what you've done to him."

Turning sharply, Don walked through the door again, leaving Ian there to turned everything over in his head. No, He did not have an established relationship with Charlie. But he wasn't going to deny that he didn't love spending time with him. In the bed and out. He enjoyed his company. Their talks. His views and opinions of things. He couldn't deny that he didn't care about him. If he didn't, it would hurt this bad knowing he had hurt the Professor. Ian took another moment to get his mind straight, then turned back toward the door. When he stepped out he saw Don standing there. He made his way over to him. Stopping in front of him he said in a low voice, "I don't know if I can fix things with Charlie. But I will try. I never meant to hurt him Don. Last night," he paused, knowing that don wouldn't care for the details, "I can't take it back. But I will try to make things ok again with your brother." 

Don looked at him, still furious that his brother was hurting over this man. "You know he will probably never trust you again. On the job, yes. But off...." he left his sentence hanging there. Ian Understood. 

"I know." He said and swiftly made his way to the elevators. He would make his way over to CALSI and try to see Charlie there. He only hoped that the younger man would see him. 

*NUMB3RS* 

Charlie was just stuffing the rest of his papers into his case, preparing to head to his office for his office hours, when he felt a presence in his classroom. Looking up he was startled to find Ian standing half way down the aisle. 

Stifling down the hurt he still felt strongly, he brought out a small smile. "Hey Ian. What brings you here?" He turned back to finish the task at hand only to turn away when his elbow was grasped lightly. He turned and found Ian behind him, holding out his hand. 

Charlie, close to breaking with Ian so close to him, shied away from his hand. If Ian touched him again he would lose it. And Charlie desperately wanted to hold it together until he could fall apart in private.

Ian brought his hand to his sides and got a good look at the genius. He could tell he had gotten no sleep. His eyes didn't hold the brightness they always did after he was done teaching the minds of the future. 

Charlie stood there for a second to get his bearings before moved to the side, strategically placing the desk between them. "What did you need Ian? I'm actually on my way to my office. I have office hours and my students are usually already at my door." He noted that his voice sounded jumpy. 

Ian looked at him intensely before he said "Charlie, I'm so sorry." 

Charlie automatically knew that Don had said something. More than did if the bruise that was forming on the side of the snipers face was anything to go by. Knowing he couldn't feign ignorance he sighed. "No, It's my fault. I made the mistake of thinking there was more going on between us. Thinking I was different."

Ian almost couldn't bare the sadness in his voice. "Charlie, you are different! I can't tell you how much I look forward to seeing you now. Wondering what I'm going to learn from you next." He tried to move around the desk to be close to him but as he moved so did Charlie. Deciding that he didn't want to make the other man more uncomfortable than he already was, he stayed standing on the other side. "I never meant to hurt you." 

Charlie looked down at his desk, "I know. Like I said it's my fault. It's was my mistake. It's not like you knew I lo..." Charlie stopped speaking. He couldn't take it back but he definitely was not finishing that statement.

Ian' breath caught in his throat. Did he hear that right?

"Charlie.." He didn't know what to say. God, Charlie is standing right in front of him hurting, telling him he loves him, and he can't think of a fucking thing to say.

"It's ok Ian. I understand. I'm just sorry it took so long." He grabbed his case. "It was fun." He turned and started to make his way out of the classroom. 

"Charlie" Ian called, causing him to pause. "I'd like to see you again, Maybe talk about this." 

Charlie slowly turned, a sad smile on his face. " I don't think that's a good idea Ian. Like I said, it was fun. But I'm already in this way more than I obviously need to be. So let's just save us both the trouble and walk away now. I've gotta go." 

He turned and made it to the door before he felt a hand around his elbow again, pulling him back gently. He looked up and saw Fierce determination in his eyes, but also something else he couldn't put a name too. "What if I told you I care about you too? That the way you feel wasnt the mistake. But the way i didn't see it. That it took me screwing up so bad to make me see that I do want more with you and hate myself for hurting you and loosing that?" Ian spoke softly. 

Charlie looked him in the eyes for a moment before gently pulling his arm out of the other man' grasp. "I'd say" He sighed again "That I'm sorry you didn't see it before. Cuz that...that would have made me believe it. Not after the fact, not because you feel guilty. I'm sorry Ian. " Charlie turned around and made his way out of the door, his eyes glistening but tears held in check. 

Ian let the door close in front of him. He had really screwed up. And he didn't know how to make it right. He sat in one of the chairs and put his head in his hands. He thought about last night. The guy, he didn't even remember his name, had been a distraction. But the more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that when all was said and done, he had felt more disappointed than satisfied. And had not wasted any time after it was done to kick the guy out. He thought about his times with Charlie. How every time he was left weak, sated, and in no hurry for the curly haired man to leave his bed. How had he not seen it. 

He screwed up. And only time would make it right. Time and determination. And When Ian Edgerton was determined, nothing stood in his way. He got up and made his way out to his truck. He knew it wouldn't happen over night. Hell, probably not even for as long as he was in town. But Somehow, he would let Charlie see he was worth more, that he wanted more.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a little over a month since that day he hurt Charlie and no matter what he does, all he can think about is the professor. His curls, his smile, the way he felt in his hands when he was writhing underneath him. He longed to hold him again. Longed to feel the warmth of his warm body in his arms. He couldn't lie, he was wound up tight, desprate for release. But the thought of bringing someone else other than Charlie to his bed didn't even cross his mind.

   He had tried calling the Professor but all of his calls went to voicemail. His text went unanswered. Finally after almost a month he called Don. After five minutes of "What in the hell do you want!" and "Why the hell do you care!" Don informed him that Charlie was fine, staying busy with classes and Don had gotten him to go hiking every weekend they were free. When Ian hung up the phone after that, the hole that had appeared in his chest after all that happened only ached even more.

 

He missed Charlie. He was looking for any excuse to see him. Even taking some of the vacation time he had stacked up over the years. So when he saw that the couple responsible for multiple robberies and deaths he was tracking was making their way to L.A. he didn't hesitate. Calling his supers to let them know of his progress he packed his stuff and made his way there.

 

Crystal and Buck Winters were a thorn in his side that he was looking forward to pulling out. They were your modern day bonnie and Clyde. And he couldn't wait to put their heads and the end of his scope. While he drove he thought about Charlie. This case would keep them all busy but he hoped he could make some time to talk to the brilliant man. He didn't know what to do with all that was going around inside of him. He needed to talk to Charlie, to find if he had a chance to fix things with him. Charlie said he loved him, that he was falling for him. What that what Ian was feeling now? Was that why it hurt now not having Charlie near? He let his mind go blank as he drove into L.A. Putting his mind on the case. As he drove up to the his next crime scene, he let Charlie's face pull to the front of his mind again. He was smiling, god he really liked that smile. He made it his mission, on of many when it came to the curly haired genius, that he would get him to smile like that for him again.

 

*NUMB3RS*

 

The saying 'My heart dropped to my stomach' took on a whole new meaning when they walked into Charlie's office to see the young professor on a bed of nails, a cinderblock on his chest, and his friend Larry holding a sledgehammer above his head. Then when he brought it down onto the block, he almost drew his gun on the eccentric man. He released the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding only when Charlie got up and Don looked him over.

While filling Charlie in on the case he looked the younger man over. He looked like maybe he had lost a little weight but he knew of the professor's knack of getting into a project and loosing himself in it for long periods. He also noticed, on the few times Charlie would meet his gaze, that his eyes didn't hold their usual shine.

As they were getting ready to head out of the office, Ian held back. Letting Don and Larry head out before him. He did not miss the warning glance Don threw his way.

Charlie was nervous. He knew Ian stayed behind as he was gathering the things he needed to assist Don. Just as he saw how he conveniently stood in front of his office door. He waited for the other man to speak first. It didn't take long.

"You never got back to me." he said, sounding mildly irritated. Not what Charlie had expected to hear.

"I'm sorry, What?" Ian took a step closer then stood still. "You never answered my calls, or text'." Ah, so that's what this was about.

"Yeah well, I didn't think there was anything else to say." He finished grabbing what he needed before finally turning and facing the sniper. "I still don't."

Ian looked on at the man, the words cut but he knew he deserved them. "I don't know about you Charlie, "Charlie started. Ian had almost never called him by his name. Almost always using his title of 'Professor'. "But I have quite a bit I'd like to say to you. Preferably over dinner." He knew it was a long shot, but maybe if he saw he didn't want Charlie in just his bed, that he saw he wanted to spend more time getting to know him, maybe they had a chance.

Charlie shook his head. "I don't think so Ian. All has been pretty much said." He made his way to the door, stepping around Ian. Ian wanted to reach out to him but he knew his touch would be unwelcome. He walked out the door to follow after Don. He knew it would take time and patience. If it got Charlie back, he would become a damn saint.

*NUMB3RS*

Ian sat in his hotel room, brooding. They had gotten Megan back from Crystal's clutches earlier today, thankfully alive and aside from a bad cut to the arm, unharmed. But he knew he buried himself with Don more by wanting to go after Crystal instead of staying and helping Megan. It was something that could not be helped. This case was getting to him. With Buck in custody, it seemed like Crystal was taking on a whole new level of crazy. And it was thanks to the Professor again that they had found Megan in time.

Try as he might Charlie has not given him a chance to talk to him. He had given up texting him. And could only hope that the opportunity would present itself. And right before he drifted off to sleep he got his wish. His phone dinged at a little after midnight. Reaching over, he grabbed it and saw to his delight it was from Charlie.

-Come to the garage-

Not one to pass up the chance of a lifetime, he threw his shoes on, grabbed his keys and was out the door.

Charlie was working at his board when Ian walked in. Charlie paused, as if deciding on finishing his equation or not, before he placed his chalk down and turned.

"I've gotten the hint that your not going to give up on your quest to talk to me."

Ian chuckled softly as he made his way to the old couch. "No, I'm not." He looked at Charlie, wondering what was going through the other man's head.

Charlie looked back, a slightly puzzled look on his face. "Why?" Ian looked at him, slightly tilting his head. Charlie continued, "Why do you need to talk to me so bad Ian? I'm trying to get on with my life and here you are texting and calling and trying to corner me into talking. Your making my head spin! There is nothing to say. We had fun. I said that! Now we go on." His voice got softer toward the end of his outburst.

Ian sat quietly for a few moments, trying to get his head straight of what he wanted to say. Finally, he settled on the most honest. "I screwed up." Charlie looked taken aback at that. "Yes, at first you were just an ordinary fling." He saw the flash of hurt cross his face and hurried to go on. "But as time went on, I saw how much I really liked spending time with you. Not just in a bed. You fascinated me. I just didn't see it fully until it was too late."

Charlie rubbed his hands over his face with a frustrated sigh. "Ok, if that's the truth. If its true when you say I was the only lover you have had besides that one night, What changed? Apparently everything you just said wasn't enough."

Ian's stomach twisted at that. "No Charlie. That night..."anyway he said it was going to bad so he just had to say it. "I had just gotten off a really bad case. Had a lot of things messing me up. You were at your convention, or I thought." He looked guiltily at Charlie."I just needed something to take my mind away from it all."

Charlie sat, taking it all in. He knew they had not promised anything to each other. Ian had no commitment to him. But it still hurt to hear. "Why didn't you call me?"

Ian looked down at his hands on his lap. " I don't know. I guess it was too easy for me to fall back into my old lifestyle." He looked back to Charlie, begging him with his eyes to understand.

Charlie gave him a small sad smile. "And there lies the reason I couldn't continue." Ian drew back shocked. "No, Charlie...." He begged, "That was a stupid mistake! Your who I want to be with. I'm so sorry i hurt you like that! I'm sorry I didn't see it before. Please, give me a chance to prove it to you." He was not above getting on his knees if that is what the other man wanted from him.

Charlie stared at him again and stood, going to his board. This hurt more than he thought it would. "I'm sorry Ian, I can't risk it. Not even for you. No matter now much I really want too." He wiped his board clean then made his way to the door.

"I'm not giving up Charlie." Ian called out as he made his way outside. Charlie turned and saw him by the door, desperation on his face. "I'm not giving you up, not again. I'll prove to you your the only person I want to be with."

Charlie stood there, looking a little lost. "How?"

Ian stepped closer. "I know you enjoy a hunt Ian, but I'm not some Conquest, some prize to be won. I won't be that easy again." Ian continued toward him until there was a foot between them.

Ian looked at him, and if Charlie looked close enough, he could see the vulnerability in his eyes. "No, your not. Your so much more than that. Can't you see Professor?" He stepped closer to him still, stopping when he was beside him and brought his mouth to Charlie's ear. "I want so much more with you." He placed a whisper of a kiss to Charlie's cheek. Then moved to graze Carlie's ear with his lips and just a soft lick of his tongue, causing the other man to shiver. "Not just a bedroom." His hands rested lightly on Charlies elbows. Oh how he wished he could wrap his arms around the man he knows deep within his very soul that he loves. But he knows, he must be patient. "I want to fall more completely for you than I already have Charlie." He nuzzled his nose against Charlies cheek, hearing his small intake of breath. "I want Friday night dates. Walks in the woods. Holding hands while we walk down the street." He brought his mouth to Charlie's ear. Speaking softly, he whispered. "I want to show my love for you Charlie. Not what we had before. I want to be all yours, and you all mine. And hopefully, "He placed a gentle kiss to Charlie' temple before bringing his mouth back, " you will want that just as much as I have come too."

He kissed his temple again and started to make his way down the path.

When Charlie had gotten his breath back he turn and called out, "How do I know I will be the only one?" Ian stopped and turned. "Like you said, It was easy to fall back into your old habits. How do I know you won't end up hurting me again?" Charlie asked, Uncertainty in his voice.

Ian smiled softly at him. "I was stupid once. I didn't see what I had in front of me. I do now. And I can't be without it, without you." His expression turned somber. "I don't want to." He turned and made his way to his truck.

As he drove off Charlie stood where he was, filled with mixed emotions. Yeah, what Ian had done had hurt him a lot. Could he really risk being hurt again by the same man? Ian had sounded so sincere when he spoke about wanting something more with him. Did he want that now? He walked up the steps to his home. He had a lot to think about. He would take his time and see what Ian does. See if he was willing to wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Things went back to normal after that case. He had stayed for a week after Don had taken the kill shot, ending crystals' life,  to make sure the younger agent wasn't going to relapse from it. He had seen so many good men spiral down from something like that. He didn't want that for Charlies' brother. And he had made some progress with the Professor. They had talked a little more since that night in the garage and though they were not where Ian would have liked, they were on the right path.

It's been 2 months since he had left, making sure all was well with the Eppes brothers, and every day that passed he missed Charlie more and more. 

In a spare of the moment decision he put in for a week's vacation and was now just entering sunny L.A. He decided to surprise Charlie and show him that he was making an effort to be around more for him. As he pulled into the Calsci parking lot he felt a thrill run through him. Charlie had told him that he wasn't a Conquest and he's not. But he can't help but feel like he is on one of his hunts. The thrill of being this much closer to his pray. 

Locking his car he made his way to Charles' office, noting the students coming and going. He politely made his way inside and stood to the back, watching Charlie help each student in turn. 15 minutes later and the last student made their way out. Charlie had yet to notice him but deciding against his desire to walk quietly up to him and wrap his arms around him, he raised his arm to the shelf behind him and knocked. Charlie looked up, startled.  

"Ian! What are you doing here?" He said, smiling. He didn't want to tell the older man, but he had missed him him alot. 

"Well, I decided it was time to put some of my leave to good use. And what better place to go than beautiful Los Angeles."  He walked closer as the spoke. 

"Oh" Charlie said, packing his bag. "Got anything planned while your here?" He tried to sound uninterested but he could hear for himself that he had failed. 

Ian smiled widely. "Oh I've got many things go planned while I'm here." Charlie would swear he headed a double meaning in his words."For starters I wanted to take you to dinner" He stopped at the edge of the desk. He couldn't help but think about the last time they were here. Him on one side of the desk and charlie on the other, tears unshed in his eyes. He pushed the thought away. 

"I'm sorry Ian, I can't. I'm having dinner with Amita." He said, not sure why he felt guilty for having other plans. 

Ian felt a wave of jealousy hit him and he had to fight for it to not show on his face. "Ahh, I see." He looked down, trying to get a reign on his emotions. 

"Yeah," charlie was saying, "she's leaving for London tomorrow." Ian looked up sharply at that. "She was offered a position at Cambridge and decided to take it." 

Ian blew out a fast breath. So nothing intimate. Not that he had any right to be upset if it was. But knowing that it wasn't helped. "Cambridge! Wow, tell her I said Congratulations and I know she will do amazing things out there." 

Charlie smiled. "I will. I need to get going before I'm late." He started walked to the door then turned back, " but I wouldn't mind dinner some time later this week, if you want." He winked and was gone, leaving Ian once again alone in his office. Charlie winked at him. He wanted to go out. Ian walked out of the office, making sure to lock the door on the way out, the smile never leaving his face.

*NUMB3RS* 

It was another 3 days before he was able to arrange to take Charlie to dinner. Between his classes and helping Don with a kidnapping case, his time was well spent. He was at Dons' office waiting for him to finish explaining his findings to don and his team. As he wrapped it up he saw Don make his way to him. As he knew he would. 

"Charlie tells me your taking him to dinner?" His voice told him he didn't like the idea one bit. 

"Yeah, i thought Italian would be good." He told him. Not going into detail. 

"What are you doing with my brother Ian?" 

If it had been anyone else asking, Ian would have told them it was none of their damn business. But he knew he had fucked up with Charlie last time and therefore with Don. He needed to work on making it right. "I'm doing what I should have done the first time with your brother. I'm doing this the right way this time. All the way." Don bore into him then turned and glanced back, noting Charlie was finishing up with his team. Turning back to Ian he lowered his voice. "Do you love my brother Ian?"

Ian stared back at him for what felt like hours. Did he love Charlie? " These past few months have really opened my eyes to what an amazing man your brother is Don. And at one time i could have had the chance to make him mine. I didnt. I can't tell you what happens from here Don. But I will tell you, yes I'm trying. Yes, I want your brother, so much it physically hurts. Yes, I love him, more than I thought possible."

 Dons' eyes widened. He was not expecting that. He could hear Charlie making his way to them. "Don't hurt him Ian. I won't let it go again." 

Ian straightened up. "If I do, you won't have to find me. I'll come to you." Don nodded as Charlie came to a stop at his side. "Ready to go?" He asked.

Charlie nodded and together they made their way to the elevator. Ian could feel Dons'eyes boring into his back as he walked. 

*NUMB3RS* 

As they made their way to the restaurant they made small talk, about anything goes and nothing. Pulling up to the building Ian got out and made his way to Charlies' side, opening his door. Charlie was surprised. "Thank you." Ian smiled and grabbed his hand as he climbed out. They walked in together hand in hand and was seated immediately. 

Charlie looked around. "Wow, this place is amazing! I feel like I'm actually in Italy." 

Ian smiled. " I'm glad you like it. Have you ever wanted to go?" 

Chair turned to him. "To italy? Oh yeah. It's number 3 on my list of places to visit." 

Ian filed that piece of information away for later as they ordered their food. Conversation flowed easily through them as they waited and again as they enjoyed their meal and wine. Ian noticed their feet continuiously brushed against Charlies' though neither man said anything. As they waited for their check Ian reached over and gently took Charlies' hand. "I'm very glad you went out with me tonight Charlie. I've had a great time." 

Charlie smiled and blushed slightly. "I'm glad I came too. I'm getting to know a side of you I didn't before. I like that." 

Ian decided to be brave and brought Charlies' hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist. Hearing a small intake of breath, he looked at Charlie and saw his eyes widened slightly. He placed his hand back down on the table and covered it with his own. "Charlie, I know you've probably figured it out by now, but this is my way of trying to court you, to show you I want to do it right. Please give me a second chance to show you how I truly want to be with only you." 

He felt like he had put his heart on his sleeve but he didn't care. For this man, he would put his heart on the table bare for him.

Charlie swallowed heavily. "Ian, you have no idea how much I want that. How much I've missed being with you." Ian felt his hope rise. "But I can't." And his heart plummeted to his feet. "Why?" He had to know. What did he have to do to prove to this man that he would give anything to be with him. 

Charlie looked at him sadly. "I can't go back to that Ian. Not knowing when I would see you again. Always wondering if your alone at night" Ian went to object but Charlie continued, " I know you said it would never happen again. But without you close ian, that doubt would always be there, and it would eat me alive. I'm sorry, I can't go through that again. The time apart was the worst. I need someone who would always be there for me. Someone closer to me than a phone call."

The words stung but Ian knew them to be the truth. That was exactly what Charlie deserved. "Do you want me to take you home?" Charlie nodded his head. Ian paid the check and they made their way to the car, slightly farther apart this time. 

The car ride home was a quiet one. Each man lost in his own thoughts. Before they knew it, he was pulling up to the old craftsman house. "Thank you for dinner Ian. I really did have fun." He opened the door and was about to get out when Ian grabbed him by the hand and pulled him to him, sealing their lips in a desperate kiss. Charlie immediately melting against him. All too soon they broke apart. 

 

"You have to know," Ian said, slightly out of breath, " I'm not giving up on you. On us." 

Charlie smiled and gave him a small kiss. "I've never known you to give up on anything Ian. It's that FBI stubbornness." He smiled as he got out of the car and walked up to the door, turning and waving he made his way inside. "No" he said as he pulled away from the curb, "Its its you Charlie." As Ian drove to his hotel he had his plan forming in his mind. He knew what he had to do. Now he just had to make it happen. 

*NUMB3RS* 

Charlie was parking his car in the F.B.I. garage 6 weeks later when his phone rang. Adjusting his bag, he answered it quickly. "Hey Don."

_Hey buddy. Where are you?_

"I'm headed your way now. Just parked my car. Give me 2 minutes." He hung up and put his phone away. Don was anxious for his imputed on a robbery of a bank that happened over the weekend and with a new member on his team he wanted Charlie their to help get everyone in sync. 

He made his way through security, then to the elevator. As he rode up he thought of Ian. He had not heard anything from him in 3 weeks. Where ever he was now, he hoped he was safe. As the elevator opened the first thing he saw was Don. 

"Hey buddy. Thanks for coming over so fast. I'm still trying to get everyone back in a groove." He said as they made their way to his team's area. 

"It's no problem Don. You know I love to help." As he turned the corner of theither destination his bag snagged and fell from his shoulder, falling to the floor. He heard his brother call for everyone. "All right settle down. Let's get this thing going."

Charlie straightened, bag in hand. As his eyes ran over everyone his eyes stopped on a face he had not seen in weeks. His bag fell again from his hand, this time forgotten. He heard his brother talking to him, felt his hand on his shoulder. "Charlie, meet the newest member of my team."  

Charlie stood there, barely able to breath. "Ian."


	4. Chapter 4

Charlie couldn't believe it. Here he was, Ian Edgerton, the newest member on his brothers team. Mister 'I will never settle down'. He had always said his life will always be out of a bag of clothes and his truck. And yet, he was now part of the L.A. F.B.I. God he couldn't believe it. As he looked at Ian he saw that the other mans expression was almost...afraid. Like he wasn't sure how Charlie would take his presence. And now that Charlie thought about it, how did he take it? Ian had hurt him. Bad. He had always told him that he couldn't try for more again because with Ian on the road he would always wonder if there was someone else with him at night. And that was a valid fear! Ian had said that he wouldn't give up. And he didn't. He settled down to try to win Charlie back. But did Charlie want to go back.

He thought it would be something they would discuss. Something they would sit down and talk about together. But Ian had up and decided to transfer to his brothers team, without asking him how he felt. While he no doubt was thrilled that Ian had finally made a move to show him that he was serious about wanting more with him, he was also upset that he just assumed Charlie would be ok with it. That Charlie would just up and take him back because of it. And Don. His brother knew how badly he had been hurt, that night and after. And he had not once since then asked him if he was interested in trying again with the sniper. Also without his consent he allowed Ian to come to his team. Not knowing, or maybe without caring, how his brother felt about it. The more he thought about both Ian and Don, the more the upset was turning to pissed off. Neither man had given his feelings on the matter any consideration. Had asked what he wanted. Did he want Ian to move here and give him another chance? He honestly didn't know. And now that choice had been taken from him. 

He looked at both his brother and Ian, finding identical looks of apprehension on their faces. 

He couldn't deal with this. Not now. He had not had any time to prepare for seeing Ian again. Much less long term. And he was just as mad at his brother. Grabbing his pack off the ground where it had dropped, he spared each man a look that he was sure showed how he felt, and walked the 15 steps to the elevator. He pressed the button with more force than necessary. He just needed to get out of here. The doors opened thankfully quickly. As he walked in and turned to push the button for the bottom level his gaze turned to Don's team, all of whom where on their feet looking back at him. He saw Ian step forward as the doors were closing but thankfully he took no more as they finally shut. 

*NUMB3RS*

No one on Don's team knew what to say. They had all slowly found out about what had transpired between the two men. And almost everyone had been on Charlie's side. But as time went they had all figured out that yes, Ian was an asshole who broke Charlie's heart, but that they were not in fact together at the time. So they slowly started warming up to him. No one knew how Charlie would take Ian's addition to the team. While everyone thought it would be a little tough, no one had thought he would just leave. Finally it was Megan who broke the silence. 

"Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Charlie had no idea that Ian was going to be here, let alone be the new member. And that's not me speaking as a profiler. That's me saying that because anyone with eyes could see that." She looked at both men and saw looks of guilt cross their faces. She shook her head and turned, leaving the men standing there. David and Colby, both silently deciding that both men needed a minute to themselves, left together to get coffee. 

Ian sat back down his chair and placed his head in his hands. "I just keep fucking up" he said almost too quietly for Don to hear. Don sighed and sat down next to him. As much as he wanted to blame Ian for this, he was who had started it all, he couldn't. He should have asked Charlie what he thought of it. Damn it he screwed up. "No, not just you Ian. I should have talked to him about all of this first." He sighed again. He needed to talk to his brother but he was not sure if he would be welcome right now. He looked at the clock, only 2 in the afternoon. No matter how badly he wanted to go after his brother and make things right he knew he couldn't leave work in the middle of the day. He turned to Ian who was staring at the ground, looking as if he is trying to decide if he can run after the man Don now knew without a doubt that he loved Seeing as it was only his first day at the new office he could not send him out either. Not that he would. It may be selfish of him, but it killed him to know he had unintentionally hurt his little brother and longed to make things right. 

Ian sighed and looked up to don. "Don't suppose I could beg my new boss to let me go chase after his brother?" he said, only half joking. 

Don laughed a half hearted laugh. "Sorry Ian. You know I can't." Ian nodded his head. "Yeah, so what more am I needed for?" If he couldn't go straight after Charlie then he atleast wanted to get on with work so the day would go by faster. 

Don stood up and grabbed a manila folder and handed it to Ian. "Some papers to fill out and we have a meeting with the director at 4." He paused. "Listen Ian, I know your going to want to go straight to Charlie after you leave here but I need a favor." Ian looked at Don, already knowing what he was going to ask. "Already done Don. I don't like it, but I can wait until you talk to Charlie." Don sighed in relief. "Thanks man, It's just.. you know we didn't have the best relationship growing up. But we're close now. I don't want to lose that." Ian nodded. He really did understand. He knows how close Charlie is to Don. He doesn't want anything to come between the bond they have now. "I know. Its ok, I can wait." 

Don nodded. "Alright, lets get some coffee and get you started on those papers. I need to find the others and listen to them tell me about how I'm an idiot and an asshole." Ian had no doubt he would be hearing the same speech before he left.

*NUMB3RS*

Charlie sat on the old sofa in the garage but for once, not working on his numbers. His mind was too wrapped up in everything that had happened a few hours ago. All he could think of was Ian. He was really here. And as selfishly as he would like to think that he was here for him, he didn't stay long enough to find out the motives behind the snipers actions. He got up and started pacing. If Ian asked him for a real relationship, could he say yes? He really wants to. Every time he sees Ian he remembers all the reasons why he fell in love with him in the first place. Even if he did get hurt he didn't regret it. Ian was truly a good man. And even good men make mistakes. Charlie was not asking what they were to begin with. So In a way he guessed they were both to blame. 

He had been pacing and thinking over everything so hard that he didn't hear the door creak or footsteps approach until he jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned sharply, ready to lash out when he saw his brother standing there, looking slightly guilty and a lot like he wanted to laugh at him for being startled like that. "DON!" He laid a hand on his chest as he sank into the sofa once again, breathing slowly to try to slow his heart rate. 

Don walked over to the sofa and sat down opposite Charlie. "I'm sorry buddy. I thought you heard me. That door is loud." He rubbed his hand behind his head, a sign to Charlie that his brother was nervous. "It's ok, I just got a little too deep in my head." He knew why Don was here. Don knew he was upset. Of course he did. His brother had always been the first to pick up on how Charlie was feeling. "I honestly expected for Ian to come first." 

Don shook his head. "No. I asked him to hold off. He was ready to bolt after you right when you left, I was too. But I know that you needed some time. I'm sorry Charlie."

Charlie looked at his brother. He knew Don didn't mean to hurt him. But he wanted him to understand. "What are you sorry for Don?" 

Don wiped his hand over his face then turned to Charlie. "I'm sorry for not talking to you before I accepted Ians' transfer. I'm sorry for not telling you about his request. I knew why he wanted to come here. I thought.." He sighed. " I thought I was giving you a chance to be happy. If he was here you would smile more again. But I didn't ask if that was what you wanted. I never asked again how you were after that night. I knew you were hurt, were still hurting, but I never talked to you about it again. And then I just assume that because Ian decided he wanted to move out here for you, that you would just be ok with it. I didn't have that right. I'm so sorry buddy. I should have asked you before anything what you wanted. Talked to you about Ian and if you could even try again with him. I should have done a lot of things differently."

Charlie sat there, letting his brothers words wash over him. His brother got it. Without him having to tell him his brother knew exactly how he felt. His brother would always know him better then anyone else. And the anger he felt toward him vanished. Because though his brother screwed up, he had done it to try to help him. To give him a chance to be with Ian. Charlie grabbed Don' shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. Don was startled for about a second before he wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly. "I'm sorry buddy."

Charlie held him for a moment longer then pulled back to look at him. "It's ok Don. I was mad, but I know why you did it. Its ok." He smiled. It really was ok. 

Don exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding. His brother wasn't mad at him. It was a good day. "Ok, good. I'm glad." He laughed, then sobered up. "Are you ok with having Ian here Charlie? If not, I could see about putting him on a different team. You would still see him, but no where near as much." His paperwork had already gone through, Ian didn't have the option to leave again. But there were other departments for his expertise. 

Charlie didn't think it would be a problem to see him everyday. Not even everyday seeing as sometimes he didn't come into Don' office for days at a time. "I think I'd be ok Don. Honestly? I've missed him. Very much. Even after everything I still thought about him all the time." Don nodded his head. He wondered if Charlie knew that Ian was in love with him. He would not say either way. If he didn't it wasn't his place to bring up. "Good. I'm glad it won't make you uncomfortable." It was quiet for a few moments. "He's staying at the Marriot." Charlie looked at him, confused. "Just in case you wanted to talk." 

Charlie bowed his head slightly. That was something he had to think about. Yes, Ian was here permanently. Yes, they could see each other more. But could he really trust Ian with his heart again. Could he place his love on the man who could break it so completely. Could he risk it? 

"What room number?"


	5. Chapter 5

8:00 that evening found Ian pacing his hotel room like a caged animal. He was restless with his need to get to Charlie. Don had left the office at 6 sharp with the promise that he wouldn't be too long. It felt like forever.

He was going stir crazy with anticipation. In the 2 hours since he had gotten to his hotel he had eaten a light dinner, exercised, showered and tried reading. It didn't work. All he could think about was Charlie. How he had hurt him and how he longed to make it right. 

He sat on the bed again and placed his head in his hands. He thought back on the last few weeks. How him and Charlie had gotten closer again. He truly believed that Charlie would give him another chance. But he couldn't help but wonder...could he go back to being just friends? If Charlie wanted that then he could. He would. But not without him knowing how he felt first.

Ian had, in the last few weeks, come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Charlie. And he also knew it wasn't a recent development. He had been in love with him before that night he threw everything away. He just didn't open his eyes to that possibility.

His eyes were wide open now.

They were open to a future with the gorgeous mathematician. Waking up every morning to his face next to his, his curls surrounding him. Sharing dinner together with Don and Alan. Growing old together. Hell, maybe even adopting a couple of kids.

He could see all of it. A life with him. But first he needs the chance to make it right.

Giving up on waiting patiently he grabbed his phone and keys. He would go to Charlie's. Even if he had to wait outside if Don wasn't finished. He just had to be closer. Walking to the door he threw it open... And came face to face with Charlie, hand raised to knock. 

Biting back his surprise he stepped back. "Hey Charlie, come in." Charlie hesitated, as if unsure, before stepping in. "Are you going somewhere?" He asked, hoping his voice didn't hitch. "If so I can go. I don't want to keep you." He hovered by the door. 

Ian took his hand and led him to the little table by the window. "Actually, I was, uh, on my way to your house." 

Charlie looked surprised, which surprised Ian, then it hit him. The last time Charlie had come to his hotel he was met with a shock he was not expecting. Ian hated that he was still effected by his bad judgement. 

He sat them both down, and wondered where to start. Charlie took it out of his hands. "I stayed in my car almost an hour before I came up. I didn't.." He swallowed, " I didn't know what to expect." He finished softly but kept his eye contacted with Ian. 

Once again Ian felt like shit, and he had no one to blame but himself. "Charlie, I don't think I could ever tell you enough how sorry I am for hurting you like that. I could tell you excuses but it boils down to me being an idiot. Not knowing what I had." He looked down at Charlie's hand and laid his over it gently. 

Charlie didn't know what to say, what was Ian saying. He could feel the warmth of Ian's hand and couldn't help turning his hand over and entwining their fingers. "And what did you have Ian?" He had to be sure where Ian was when it came to them. He couldn't hurt again. 

Ian smile at Charlie. "Someone I love. Someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with." 

Charlie was in shock. Ian loves him? His brain tries to compute that but it just...can't. How could he love him. The relationship they has was just sex. Ian said so himself. How could he...

He jumps up from the table and starts walking back and forth, trying to calm his suddenly fast beating heart. "How can you say you love me Ian! How can you go from it was just sex to spend your life with me! Do you just expect me to fall to my knees and say its all OK? That I can just forget how you hurt me? How you didn't even give me a choice in seeing you all the time? You didn't care how I might feel about that! You only cared about getting what you wanted!" Charlie's voice was getting louder but he didn't seem to notice. 

Ian sat, letting every word Charlie said cut through him. He needed to get this out. Needed to let Ian know everything he was feeling. His words hurt, bad, but what Charlie said was true. He didn't think about Charlie, not in the way he would feel about everything. Just in Charlie giving him another chance. It was time to rectify that. 

He waited till he was sure Charlie was finished. Charlie was breathing heavily, hand on his side. Ian stood and walked to the other man slowly. He took Charlie's hand and led him to the bed. He sat Charlie down gently before kneeling in front of him.

Charlie calmed his breathing before bringing his eyes to met Ian's. "You didn't care." His voice was almost a whisper, and it broke Ian's heart to know he had hurt Charlie again. 

Ian brought his hand up to cup Charlie's cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. "I did care Charlie, I do care" Charlie looked like he was going to interrupt so he plowed on. "But I went about all of this the wrong way. My way, which only made matters worse. So, in the interest of starting over, tell me what you want Charlie. Anything you want from me I'll do it." He knew he sounded vulnerable but he didn't care. He would be vulnerable for this man.

Charlie stared hard into ian's eyes, bringing his thoughts into focus. "I want to believe that you love me, more than anything. I want to trust you to only be with me. I want everything you told me, the lives together, growing old together, everything but..." 

Ian gripped his chin and brought his gaze back to his. "But what?" 

Charlie wanted to look anywhere else but Ian but he still had his chin in his hand. He took a deep breath. "I'm scared." He confessed. "I'm scared that I will give us a chance and somewhere down the road you'll get bored with our life and leave me to go back on the road. I'm scared that you'll regret us. Regret me" 

Ian wiped a tear from his eye, not even bothering to hide it from Charlie. He brought his hands to the sides of Charlie's head, holding him gently. He moved slowly, giving Charlie time to back away if he chose. When he didn't, he brought their lips together for a soft but swift kiss. Ian wanted more, wanted to get familiar with Charlie's taste again but he knew better now. He would take things slow. Do right by Charlie from all angles this time. 

His thumb caressed Charlie's lower lip as he spoke. "The only thing I regret, Charlie Eppes, is not knowing how much I had and loosing all that I love because I was a dumb jackass."

Charlie smiled slightly. "So what now?" He asked. He knew what he wanted, but he needed ian to make the first move.

Ian stood up and took Charlie's hand in his, bringing him up with him. "Now, I have a question to ask you." 

Charlie arch's an eyebrow in confusion. 

Ian brought Charlie's right hand up and kissed his knuckles, all the while looking at him. " Will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" 

Charlie almost blurted out that Ian doesn't date but stopped himself in time. They were starting over. Starting new. "Yes, I would love too." 

Ian smiles and it feels like his face will split but he didn't care. Charlie said yes! 

He kissed Charlie's hand again. "Thank you Charlie. Thank you so much!" He couldn't believe it. He was getting his second chance. And he would make damn sure not to blow it this time. 

Charlie leaned forward a bit and kissed Ian's cheek, catching a wiff of the other man's cologne. "Thank you for not giving up."  

Ian's smile became softer. "Never." 

Charlie walked to the door, knowing it was time for him to leave. "Let me know about our date". Ian nodded his head while opening the door for Charlie. "I'll call you tomorrow" 

Charlie smiled. "Good night Ian" 

Ian caressed Charlie's cheek once more, he couldn't help himself. "Good night Charlie" 

He watched Charlie walk down the hall and around the corner. Shutting the door he locked it and started to get ready for bed. 

Once under the covers his thoughts turned to the next day and what it would bring. He fell asleep with Charlies smiling face and those thoughts streaming steady through his head, the smile never leaving his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Don grunted as he heaved another box onto his shoulders and carried it up the steps into his brothers house. Turning the corner he glared, as he watched said brother lounge on the sofa.

"You know Charlie, It's not like its my boyfriend I'm moving in here." He walked up to Charlie and gently/not so gently dropped the box on top of Charlie.

"Hmff" Charlie puffed out an irritated breath before grabbing the box and lifting it with him off the sofa. "I was only sitting for a second." He smiled as he carried it up to his room. His and Ian's room. He smiled. 6 months after officially becoming a couple, Ian was moving in with Charlie. His dad had decided when Ian had moved to town that he would be better in the apartment over the garage. To give everyone involved some privacy.

Ian had come to fit into his life perfectly. And true to his word, he took everything at Charlie's pace. They went out, hung out with Don and his dad. Took trips hiking when Ian's work would allow. And he never pushed. Every kiss Charlie stopped as it got to heated, every hand he grabbed as it went to low for his liking, Ian was patient and undemanding. It was the night of their 3 month anniversary that they finally moved past everything that had happened between them and took that final step into giving themselves to each other.

Charlie carried the box to the opposite wall and set it down. Taking a moment to look out the window he saw Ian jump into the back of his truck for another box. He was laughing at something Don said, probably about him, and Charlie loved seeing his boyfriend smile like that.

The past 6 months were so far the best of Charlie's life. He had the man he loved all to himself all the time now. He couldn't ask for more.

But there had been some pretty rough times also. Such as the instance almost a month ago where Charlie had pushed Ian at the wrong time. They had both been hurt that night. Charlie tried his best to always trust Ian, and let the man know that he did. But sometimes his old insecurities popped up and he became needy. He knew he called Ian constantly. Always randomly showing up at the snipers apartment. Ian had never said anything. Always happy to see his boyfriend.

Except the one time he wasn't. Charlie tried not to think about it. Until he couldn't think about anything else.

.........Almost a month ago.........

Charlie knocked on the door. He had seen his truck in the drive so he knew he was home and it was too early for him to be asleep. After Don called and told him they had found the missing child's body he didn't think twice about driving over to be with his boyfriend. Ian had been adamant on finding the child. A little eight year old girl who had been taken from her mother's front yard. Two days of searching, finding evidence, and talking to witnesses they finally pulled the father in for questioning after a shard of the little girls shirt had been found in his trunk.

It only took Ian half an hour to break the bastard and get a confession. He had planned to kidnap his little girl because his ex wife would not agree to joint custody. His plan to get her into his car did not work when the girl started yelling and trying to pull away. He shoved her toward the car with too much force, causing her to trip and slam her head into the car. When he went to pull her up her head lulled to one side at a sick angle. She had broken her neck.

He then quickly put her body in the trunk and took her to a section of a forest not usually walked on by hikers due to the thick brush.

Ian had been the one to pull her little body out of the ditch and carry it back.

Charlie's heart was breaking for the mother and his boyfriend. This is what true nightmares were made of. And he would be there for his boyfriend. Not hearing anything, no tv, steps, nothing, he knocked again. He tried not to think back to when Ian had been with someone else. He tried....

Steps. Ian was coming to the door. Charlies smile fell from his face when the door opened. Ian looked broken. Before he could say anything Ian started, slightly agitated. "What are you doing here Charlie?"

Charlie was taken aback. He knew Ian didn't notice the tone in his voice and tried not to let it get to him. "I heard about the little girl. I wanted to be here for you."

Ian had sighed and rubbed his face. Charlie noticed that he didn't move aside to let him in. "Not tonight Charlie. I just want to be by myself."

Charlie understood, he really did. He just worried about leaving Ian alone. "Are you sure? I could make you some coffee. Have you eaten?" He couldn't help his gaze going from Ian beyond him into the apartment.

Ian had looked like he was going to answer then his eyes widened. "Do you....Do you think i have someone in here?" He sounded pissed.

"No! I..." Charlie didn't know what to say. He trusted Ian, completely. He really was just worried about him.

"Christ!" Ian all but shouted and threw the door open, grabbed Charlies arm, and pulled him inside. His grip tight, painful, like his voice. "Go ahead, look. Look everywhere! All I wanted was a quiet night Charlie. Just a night to lay down and try to get my thoughts straight so when I close my eyes I wouldn't see that little girl! Is that too much to ask? Since when did you become so fucking needy?"

If Ian had come up and punched Charlie in the stomach, he would have been less shocked, less hurt. His breath caught, it hurt to breathe. He was still looking at Ian, who's eyes were even wider and mouth open. That look held for half a second, before his face fell into devastation. Charlie started backing out of the door, causing Ian to drop his hold on Charlie. "I... I gotta..." What? Run? Cry? Both?

Ian took a tentative step forward, his hands slightly outstretched, his voice breaking. "Charlie.. God I...Charlie please I...he begged."

Charlie could only shake his head. "I gotta go." And ran.

He ran to the elevator, that thankfully had just open and threw himself inside. He punched the button, Doors closing as Ian came barreling toward the doors. His hands slammed them as they finally shut, as he called his name one last time. He knew he had precious seconds. The stairs to Ian's building where on the hall opposite the elevator but Ian was quick. Charlie started running as soon as the doors slid open, nearly knocking over an elderly gentleman.

Making it to his car he got in and slammed the door, starting the car as he went. He threw the gear into reverse as Ian all but fell threw the door in his haste to get to him. Charlie peeled out almost as soon as Ian made it to him. He couldn't bring himself to look in the rearview mirror. Not seeing Ian still chasing him.

.................................................

Charlie sat on a park bench. He didn't know what park. He didn't know what time it was, only that most of the businesses surrounding the park had closed long ago. He had turned off his phone and left his car several miles back when he had parked and started walking. He knew it was dangerous, knew Ian would have by now tried to locate him by his phone. He knew he would be worried, knew Don would be if he had called him.

He couldn't bring himself to care.

Was he really THAT needy? Did he really need to be around Ian all the time? He didn't think so. Sure, he knew he wanted to be around his boyfriend constantly, buthey had spent time apart from each other. Both doing their own things. He wanted to believe that he had just pushed Ian too much after such a bad case but part of his mind still played back, what if.

Did he always think that? And he just didn't want to come off as mean by saying so to him? Or was all this just the outcome from a bad case where a little girl had been taken long before her time.

He knew he had to talk to Ian. This was his fault. Even if Ian said differently. He had told Charlie that he wanted to be alone. And Charlie had pushed. He should have respected his boyfriends wishes and left. Maybe he was needy. He needed to be needed.

Sighing, he pulled his phone out. At the very least needed to let him know he was still alive. He really didn't want to talk about all of this with Ian yet. His words, though he may not have meant them, had cut deep and painfully.

He figured once he turned his phone back on he had about 20 minutes before Ian came, probably driving like a bat out of hell.

He hit the power button then sat it on the bench next to him. He found an interesting design in the sidewalk and was still staring at it when he heard the screech of tires. A quick glance at his watch told him it had been 12 minutes. He must have had someone watching his line. Talk about abuse of F.B.I. man power.

Heavy footsteps. Harsh breathing. A soft whisper of his name. Charlie still didn't look up.

Black boots appeared where he had been staring. Then jean covered knees. Hands on his knees. His name again. He looked up.

Ian looked like a thick mixture of relieved man and broken man. Charlie hated seeing him like that. "I estimated 20 minutes for you to get here. You did it in 12. I'm pretty sure that's breaking the law." He said softly, trying at a lame attempt to lighten the mood.

Ian didn't smile. He pulled Charlie off the bench and into his arms. His wrapped tightly around him and Charlie could feel vibrations. Ian was shaking. "I'd break every law there was to get to you baby." He whispered into his ear.

Charlie rested his head in the crook of Ians neck, enjoying the moment in his arms. "That's not a very good attitude for an FBI Agent."

Ian whispered again. "Ask me if I care."

Charlie let his arms come tighter around him and held his boyfriend close. "I'm sorry." he whispered. He had to say that right away. Maybe if he would have listened to Ian, they wouldn't be here now.

Ian gently pulled back, eyes shown brightly with tears. "Charlie...No, god no. I am so sorry. I should never have said that to you. No matter what im feeling i shouldnt have taken it out on you. I should have let you in. I grabbed you...God! Did i hurt you?" he asked panicked as he started checking over his wrists and arms.

Charlie shook his head. "No, You didn't hurt me."

Ian looked back to his face and opened his mouth to speak but Charlie needed to first. "Did you mean it? Any of it? Please Ian, If i've been pushing you please tell me."

Ian was shaking his head before he was done talking. "No! No, Charlie I didn't. I was mad, I wanted to kill that fucking bastard. My head was in a dark place when you came and I lashed. You were there but that's no excuse!" Ian held his hands to his chest.

Charlie felt the knot that had been in his chest all night start to slowly loosen. "I didn't think there was someone with you tonight. I haven't thought that in a long time. I just wanted to be there for you." He stepped into Ians space and let the other man hug him tight again. "I trust you Ian. Completely."

He felt Ian's breath against his ear. "I was so afraid that after all this time you still didn't. Couldn't. It made me angry even though I know I don't have a right. I ruined that trust for so long that I really didn't blame you. I was just messed up." A soft kiss to his temple. "I am so sorry baby. I love you so much."

Charlie couldn't help but smile as he heard those words. Ian really did love him. And he knew, truly, that he didn't mean any of those things he had said before. They would be ok.

Charlie pulled back and kissed him gently. Ian returned the kiss sweetly, his natural taste mixing with the salt of the tears that had dried on his face. Ian grabbed the sides of his head tenderly in his hands. "Please, no matter how angry or upset with me you are, please don't ever turn your phone off like that again. I was so scared when I couldn't find you. So afraid something had happened to you."

Charlie felt guilty. No matter how hurt he was, he shouldn't have put Ian though that. "I won't." He meant it.

Ian smiled, a small smile but a smile none the less then gave him a chaste kiss before wrapping his arm around Charlies shoulder. "Lets get you out of here."

Charlie quickly ducked to grab his phone then let himself be lead away. He was growing tired fast. "Take me home please?"

Ian stopped and looked at him. "Ok, I can do that." He seemed to contemplate something. "Or, you could come back with me." he said hesitantly.

Charlie wanted nothing more but he had to make sure. "It's ok Ian. If you need time. I'm probably just going to fall straight to sleep."

Ian kept his gaze on him. "I want you with me. I want you in my arms. If you still want to be there that is."

Charlie didn't take any time to think. " I do. Always." Ian squeezed his shoulder tightly before leading him to his car. Charlie would have Ian bring him back the next day to get his car. Tonight, he wanted to be with his boyfriend, because his boyfriend wanted him with him.

............................................

Ian's worry was nothing compared to Don's when his brother had gotten ahold of him. Apparently Ian had in fact called Don and his brother had searched franticly for him. After hugging Charlie tighter than he could remember he preceded to chew Charlie out for not only making him and Ian worry, but also for stupidly turning off his phone. Didn't he know better? Don had all but threatened to put a tracking device on him. With the promise of always having his phone on and on him, Don calmed down and preceded to enlighten him on the case he was originally brought in for. Charlie was pulled out of the memory by someone sitting beside him on the bed, that same someone taking his hand and kissing his knuckles. He turned his head and met the amused look on Ian's face. "Now what are you up here daydreaming about while the rest of us slave away moving boxes?" he asked jokingly.

Charlie laughed and dropped his head to Ian's shoulder. "Just thinking about everything that brought us here. The Good, The Bad. Mostly just thinking about how much I love you."

Because he did. Even when Ian had hurt him. Even when he was not speaking to the man, even when he cursed the man, he had loved him. He always had. And maybe the bad times had to be had to get them where they were now.

Ian cupped Charlies cheek in his hand and kissed him softly before pulling back. "I love you too Charlie. So much. Don't regret giving me another chance?"

He said it in a light tone but Charlie still heard the unsure beat behind it. He was not the only one who was insecure sometimes.

Charlie covered Ian's hand with his own. "Not even for a second."

Ian sighed, relieved, then pulled Charlie to his feet. "Come on, Don's ordering pizza. Maybe we can get the rest of my stuff in here before its time to eat." He dropped his forehead to Charlie's. "We get to start our lives together after this. You won't be able to get rid of me."

That sounded perfect to Charlie. "Promise?"

Ian smiled and kissed him, this one more fierce, before pulling back. "Swear."

Charlie nodded his head and slowly they made their way down stairs. Yes, they were starting a new chapter of their lives together. New possibilities. New dreams. Maybe a wedding somewhere down the road if the ring Charlie had found while packing Ians things was any indication. Though he quickly put it back before Ian had seen. He could not wait for that.

Or, maybe he would give Ian the ring he had hidden in his secret box in the garage. Did he have the patience to wait?

We will see!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter coming soon!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was writing the next chapter to I thought I lost you and for some reason this popped in my head. I couldn't write anymore until I got this down. And I have done a complete rewrite of this story. Alot of things have changed. If you've read it before, feel free to reread it and let me know what you think!

Charlie was having an amazing night out with his boyfriend. Ian has taken him on a walk through the park. They are eating a delicious meal of soft shell crab. And he was just informed that they will be going dancing at a bar/dance club Ian discovered a few days ago 

Wait....DANCING!

"Ian, no. Just....no. you DO not want to try to dance with me. I have two left feet!" Charlie was going to put up a fight, he really was. But then Ian just had to stand up, come to his side of the table, and give him probably the sweetest kiss he has had in awhile. Damn him!

Charlie pretended to pout as Ian went to sit back down. He could tell by the slight smirk on his face that he knew he won. Smug bastard...God he loved him.

Today they are celebrating their two year anniversary and it seems that Ian has pulled out all the stops. After the night is up he would be driving them to a cabin he knows out on Big Bear for a weekend of hiking, fishing, and hopefully mind blowing sex. 

As their waiter came to bring them their dessert he noticed Ian looking more anxious. When they were once again alone he took Ian's hand. "Are you ok?" 

Ian didn't know how to answer that. He was great. Fantastic even. But he has something important to ask Charlie but for the life of him, no matter how many times he worded it, nothing sounded good enough. 

Fuck it. He would just have to go with what felt right. 

He turned his hand over and held Charlies tight in his. "I love you so much baby." 

Charlie was confused. "I love you too. Ian, what's going on?" 

Ian stood, never releasing Charlies hand, and knelt beside his boyfriend, using his other hand to begin to pull the ring he has hidden out of his pocket. "Charlie, would you..." 

"Ian?"

Fuck fuck FUCK! Of course someone has to interrupt him when he finally got the words right. Turning his head to tell the man off he stopped cold, his blood turning to ice. 

In front of him was the mistake. The man Ian had used to forget, and had cost him Charlie. 

He had to think quick. "I'm sorry, I don't know you." 

The man looked slightly crushed. "Oh come on. It hasn't been that long since..." 

"As you can clearly see, I'm on a date with my boyfriend." Please dear god just fucking go. 

Not as dumb as he looked, he mumbled an apology and walked away. When he turned back to charlie, his eyes were glassy. "That was him, wasn't it." 

Not a question. Charlie was the smartest man he knew. Of course he would be quick to figure it out. Sighing he nodded his head. 

Charlie closed his eyes then slowly took his hand back. No.

"I'd like to go home now." His voice was so soft Ian almost didn't hear the pain behind it. Almost. 

There was nothing he could say. There was no way Charlie was in the mood to stay out and Ian just wants to be with Charlie. "Ok baby." He dropped some money on the table. More than the cost of the bill he could tell but he couldn't care less. 

He put his hand on the small of Charlie's back and guides him to the car. Ian thanked whatever God their was that Charlie didn't shy away from his touch.

The drive home was quiet. No music, no talking. Ian didn't try to hold Charlies hand as he had done on the way over. Charlie was somewhere else and Ian didn't want to disturb him. Though he really wanted to know what the younger genius was thinking. 

When they made it home, instead of going straight inside, Charlie headed to the garage. Ian paniced. "Charlie?" His voice sounded high pitched. 

Charlie turned. "I just need a bit of time to myself." 

Ian was going to argue but Charlie walked up to him and pulled him into a hug. Ian held on tight. After a minute Charlie pulled back, though Ian was loathe to let him go. "I promise Ian, I'm ok. We're ok," he stressed. "I just need a bit of time. Ok?" 

Ian Understood that. And he felt better after what Charlie said. "Ok baby. I'll be inside when your ready." 

Charlie nodded his head, gave Ian a quick kiss, then walked up the drive into the garage. 

Ian stayed in place even after Charlie had disappeared into the garage. He fucked up again. Not intentionally mind you. But if he never had gotten with the guy, he would never have recognized him, and he would be dancing with his new fiancee. 

Heaving a heavy sigh he made his way into the house. 

He was a couple steps in when he realized he wasn't alone. Dons voice rang out. "Hey, you guys are back early. I thought you'd be out all night celebrating." 

Ian didn't want to talk to anyone, especially Charlies overprotective brother, but more than anything he didn't want to be alone. Slowly he made his way to the living room. 

Don had part of his attention on the game while slightly turning his head. "What happened, there's no way in hell he said no. Did you..." he broke off when he finally turned and looked at Ian. He could only imagine how he looked. "What happened?" Good ol' Don. Always on alert. 

Ian sat Down heavily on the chair opposite him. For a long moment, he didn't speak. So many things he wanted to say. What came out was "I fucked up." 

Not what he should have said as Don surged to his feet. "What did you do Ian? Where's Charlie?" 

Yeah, he should have kept his mouth shut. "He's fine Don, in the garage." 

Don shook his head. "You were suppose to be getting engaged, going dancing then to the cabin. If he's in the garage he is not ok. What. Did. You. Do."

Ian put his head in his hands. "I fucked another guy two in a half years ago and he chose tonight of all nights to walk right up to my table and say hi as I was asking Charlie to be my husband." There, no sugar coating, just plain truth. 

Don looked surprised. Then shocked. "And Charlie...." 

"Knew who he was right away." 

Don stood for a few more seconds then sat back down. "Fuck." 

Ian had nothing to say to that so he didn't say anything. He could apologize again for screwing up in the first place but what good will it do. It still came back to bite him in the ass. 

Don got up and dissappearEd into the kitchen. He came back and placed a bottle of beer in Ian's hand, then turned to watch the game. Ok...."Your not going to get on my ass?" 

Don looked confused but then his features smoothed. "No. I'm not. I've seen you do everything in your power to make it up to Charlie. Show everyone that you love him. And you might not realize it Ian, but Charlie forgave you along time ago." 

Ian did know that. Charlie had told him on many occasions when Ian's guilt got the better of him. He still couldn't believe that he somehow had this amazing man. Don smiled slightly then turned back and watched the game. Ian didn't really watch so much as it game him something to look at so he wouldn't constantly check the back door. 

He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard the back door finally open then close. Ian stood up as Charlie rounded the corner. He opened his mouth, possibly to apologize again when he found himself with his arms full of Charlie. 

He was quick to return the gesture, hearing Don excuse himself as he walked out the front door. 

As he held Charlie he could feel wetness at his shoulder. Charlie was crying. 

He pulled back just enough to see his boyfriends face, and was shocked to see a smile adorning it. He was really confused. "Charlie?" 

Charlie smiled wide and kissed his boyfriends bewildered face, everywhere he could reach. "I'm ok Ian. Really." 

Ian was stunned. "Ok, how? I wasn't the one who was hurt and this is tearing me up." 

Charlie took his hand and led him to the couch. Sitting down he was quick to talk. "Ian, did you actually pay attention to what he looked like?" 

What kind of question was that? Of course he looked. He...he...

Charlie, as always, read him just right. "Brown eyes, curly hair, though slightly lighter than mine, lanky frame." Charlie was still smiling as he spoke but there was something is his eyes, understanding maybe? 

When he didn't say anything Charlie went on. "I'm not saying it was right what you did Ian. And it hurt like hell when i realized who he was. But even when you did it, you were still thinking of me. If it hadn't been for his beard I would have thought i'd been looking at my twin." 

Ian thought hard about the other man. "I'll be Damned " He whispered. He had gone out that night to get shit faced drunk, not with the intent of finding someone but did anyway, and he found someone who looked just like charlie. 

Charlie squeezed his hand. "Even then, during that dark time, you loved me, and thought of me. It still hurts but in some strange way it helps too." 

Ian couldn't believe it. This was not how he thought this conversation would go. He expected Charlie to be angry, upset. Not understanding. But he was, and he did. Ian pulled Charlie to him and kissed him passionately. Not getting enough of him. 

Charlie gave as good as he got, wrestling his tongue with Ian's, chasing his taste. Finally they pulled back to breath, both men panting. Ian just stared, Charlie was truly amazing. 

Charlie was the first to break the spell. "Now, I believe you were going to ask me something at the restaurant" He spoke softly. 

Ian, not wanting to waste another second, dropped down on one knee in front of Charlie, pulling the ring box out as he went. "Charlie, will you...." 

"YES!" Charlie yelled before tackling Ian to the ground and kissing the breath out of him. Ian laughed and shifting slightly, pulled the ring out of the box and slipping it on Charlies finger. 

Charlie stared at it for so long Ian was partly afraid he had broke him. Then Charlie was back, kissing him and ripping his close off, wanting to get as close to his new fiancee as possible. 

Ian would have preferred to g take his groom to be to bed, but at this moment, the floor in the living room was the perfect place. 

Later they would go to the garage so Charlie could surprise Ian with his ring before they made their way to the cabin for the weekend. 

For right now, there world stopped, time stopped. Everything was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> So so SO sorry for the delay. Broke my computer ( never drink coffee next to your lap top) and am now trying to right my stories on my tablet. Which still works, if not some what of a headache. This story is wrapping up with the epilogue coming next then work on my other stories one at a time. And some new ones! ☺let me know what you think!


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